Dear Momma,

Dear Momma,

 

I know I speak to you often but I figured I take different approach and write to you. I just wanted to say thank you for being you. There were so many things I did not appreciate when I was younger, that I recognize as an adult, that you did for my good. Before I go on about how great you are, I just want to apologize. I want to apologize for comparing you to other parents, not knowing that you were doing the best you could with what you had. I wanted you to be perfect and I failed to realize that you were human. My ways were affecting your health and I’m sorry for causing your blood pressure to rise. I was killing you and that’s not love. As a child, I thought true love was measured in material things like sneakers, games, and clothes. As I grow older, I recognized that true love is measured in time and effort. No matter what anyone said about your children, you believed in us and stuck with us, even when we desired to go astray.

 

Also, I want to ask for your forgiveness for all the tears I made you cry. I apologize for being so caught up in being accepted by others that I denied your love. In the Bible it says, “Honor your parents.” Forgive me for all the times I talked back to you. By talking back to you mom, I was not honoring you; I was being selfish because I placed myself ahead of the family. I did not know that through  my inability to honor you it  you would lead to me treating the young ladies that I dated wrong. Now, I always tell teen girls I speak to, “If you want to see how a I man will treat you, look at how he treats his mother.” When I began to value and treat you better, I also began to value and treat women better.

 

 

I know my list of things I did wrong can cover New Jersey and I will be apologizing forever but despite my faults, you still love me. Mom, thank you for forgiving me for all my mistakes; we went through the fire together, you even stuck with me through eight high schools. Thank you for always being honest with me, even when I did not want to hear it. As much as I hate to admit it, you were right! You were right about the people you toldld me were not my real friends including  and you were also right about the young girls who you felt thatlike were not right for me. Thanks for not letting me go to every party in high school and for giving me order even though I rebelled against it.

 

As a teen I took for granted the men you placed in my life. I remember you connected me with Rev Dave and he would annoy me every Sunday to call him during the week. Even though I felt like he was a bill collector, but long behold he turned out to be a trusted mentor I needed to help me in along my journey of life. I remember you and Rev Willie praying in the back of church that I get it together. Rev Willie always reminds me about those moments every time he sees me, I feel as if he is my guardian angel. 

 

Thanks for never painting a negative picture about Dad no matter what you two were going through; Dad and I relationship is better than ever now. Most importantly,  mom I want to thank you for letting go and trusting God. I think the problem with most mothers today is that they love their sons so much that they try to save them from the burn even though the son continues to play with fire. When you let go, I had to learn how to stand on my own two feet and figure life out. I know it hurt you to watch and I messed up a lot but no matter what God kept me. God really answers prayer mom; I’m living proof of that. The change did not take place when you wanted it to but it happened.

 

Mom, thank you for loving my son as if he was yours, David loves you mom and I love your relationship with him. You spoil him at times but I guess that is what grandparents are for. You always tell me to be the best dad I can be and always be present with him. I will do exactly that, he means a lot to me, and I know Ms. Cook and Grandma are watching over him.

 

I won’t keep you too much longer mom but I want to say one last thing, I cannot undue all the pain that I caused you in the past but I can work my behind off to make sure that I take care of you in the future. I know you tell me not to worry about you but you know I am. It bothers me that you have to work so hard but trust me mom those days will soon be over; I will take care of you. You did whatever it took to make sure Brittani and I was ok and now it is time for us to return the favor.

 

Mom I never told you this but when I was younger I always wanted a big brother and now God allows me to be that to so many young boys and girls. As a teen I was one of the troubled kids in church and now I’m the youth leader. He truly took my mess and turned it into a message. I find it amusing that God sends me kids that remind me so much of myself when I was younger. Sometimes they can be a headache but I cannot quit on them because you and everyone else in my life did not quit on me. Now when I speak to the youth, I share my journey with the hopes that they do not make the same mistakes I did.

 

God blessed me with a gift to inspire and it’s taking me places I could not imagine. It felt like yesterday you and Grandma would tell me to slow down when I spoke not knowing that I only spoke fast because I had a stuttering problem. Fast forward I see you, David, Brittani along with the rest of the family at my speeches. It felt good to see you smile at my speech and cry during graduation. Now I graduated from college and the next step is to share my gift with the world. Keep praying for me mom and trust God. I know the mother in you wants to know everything but I got this mom. The little boy you use to see play imaginary hoops around the house is grown now. I may not be the traditional doctor or lawyer but I’m something better than that mom; I’m me. . I’m Michael Sean Spence. it took me a while to find myself and I am still discovering more about me each day but I can finally say I’m me and I’m embracing who God made me to be; flaws and all.

 

While speaking at a conference, a speaker who spoke after me told the young men in attendance that they were “the answers to someone’s prayer.” For years I did not feel like I was the answers to anyone prayers, because of with all my mistakes and shortcomings, now I do. Thank you mom for your prayers. Thank you mom for being mom.

 

With Love,

 

Mike